American sports are so boring!

I’ll come clean at the outset – I’m not an American. I therefore expect to be shot down in flames at having the appalling nerve to even hint at the suggestion that American sports might not be perfect in every possible respect – indeed, I’d be disappointed if that didn’t happen!

But the fact still remains – American sports ARE boring! At least, when compared with their equivalents (or near-equivalents) on my side of the Pond.

For starters, it has always struck me as odd that, at least as far as team sports are concerned, Americans don’t care to play with anyone else. OK – they claim to play “soccer” up to a point, but they’re not really any good at it (apart from the women, that is), and they much prefer their version of “football” – the one where foot and ball only rarely make any connection. The problem here is that hardly anyone outside America is remotely interested in playing the same game.

Which brings me back to my original point – the rest of us don’t play American football because we find the other codes much more exciting to play and to watch. There was a match played in London a few months ago between two professional American teams. I watched the highlights on television, and it seemed to me that the closest we get to it over here is Rugby League – the version of the running-ball game played mostly in the north of England (and in Australia, New Zealand and South Africa). This is where a tackled player retains the ball and is allowed to pass it back, unimpeded, to a team-mate, unlike in Union rules where the ball must be released.

In both codes of rugby there is plenty of scope for free running, passing and skilful ball play and tackling. But in the American game I watched, the same thing seemed to be happening over and over again – a second or two of action followed by everything coming to a grinding halt. We even had the absurd spectacle of a couple of officials running on to the field with a tape measure to check whether the ball had really travelled ten yards! And when the ball was lost to the other side, everyone trooped off the field and another lot of players came on!

But it’s not just on the football field that the boredom factor is so much to the fore. For one thing, American sports watchers don’t seem to be able to concentrate for more than five minutes at a time, so they don’t protest at the constant interruptions in play for team talks, be it in basketball, ice hockey or whatever. In what sense is all this actually interesting?

Moving to Summer, we can compare baseball with cricket, both of which involve a man (let’s not be too sexist here, women play as well!) with a bat hitting a ball that has been propelled in his (or her) direction. But at this point the comparison falls down, because in baseball you only seem to have one aim in mind, which is to hit the thing as far and as high as you can, and nine times out of ten the attempt ends in failure. The cricket batsman has a huge variety of strokes he can play, depending on the type of delivery he is facing - fast, slow, straight, swinging, pitched long or short, reaching him at ground level or head high, etc – and on how he is standing to receive the ball, where the fielders are placed, whether the state of the game requires attack or defence, and a whole lot more. Baseball players can be dismissed in only three ways it seems – failing to hit the ball, being run out, and being caught out. Cricket offers five common methods and a number of rarer ones, which makes for much more variety. There’s a whole lot more to be said that proves my point, but that should be enough to be going on with for now!

Then take the American versions of horse and motor racing. In Europe and elsewhere, races take place on a huge variety of courses, with twists and turns in all directions, hills up and hills down, requiring the riders and drivers to exercise considerable skill in getting the best out their mounts and vehicles. But in America? Round and round they go, always turning in the same direction, never varying from one course to another. Where on earth is the fun in watching that?

Moving indoors, look at the infinite subtleties of snooker when seen alongside the wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am of pool! Snooker is a marvellous game, with its contrast between break-building and safety play, the clever ways in which players can get their opponents into trouble or escape from it, and the drama of a player very occasionally being able to pot fifteen reds, fifteen blacks and all the colours to achieve the ultimate 147 break. And what has pool got to offer in exchange? A bash into the pack, a bit of luck as to which ball gets potted first, a short break of eight balls maximum, and it’s all over. Little variety, hardly any subtlety, and all finished in five minutes or less!

I honestly believe that most watchers of sport in America think that they are getting a good deal, but I also think they’re being short-changed. Try watching some trans-Atlantic sport some time – you’d be amazed at how much better it is. We don’t need cheerleaders to keep you interested – what happens on the pitch or the track is quite enough to keep you on the edges of your seats!

© John Welford